Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Welcome to our collection of funny 50th birthday quotes. Milestone birthdays warrant a little extra celebrating, and a 50th birthday is a biggie. 

"I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry."  -Alan Bleasdale

"Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning."  -Bob Hope

"I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am."   -Bernard Baruch

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."   -Mark Twain

"You know you're old when you've lost all your marvels."  -Merry Browne

"It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash."  -Emily Carr

"Aging isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives."  -Maurice Chevalier

"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life."  -Kitty O'Neill Collins

"Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places."   -E. Joseph Cossman

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."  -Billy Crystal

"The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it."  -Doris Day

"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."  -Phyllis Diller

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."  -Vlade Divac

"There is still no cure for the common birthday."  -John Glenn

"When people tell you how young you look, they are telling you how old you are." -Cary Grant

"I'm now at the age where I've got to prove that I'm just as good as I never was." -Rex Harrison

"When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going."  -Joseph Priestley

"You know, by the time you reach my age, you've made plenty of mistakes if you've lived your life properly."  -Ronald Reagan

"I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end,the faster it goes."  -Andy Rooney

"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."  -Charles Schulz

"With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs."  -James Thurber

"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you."  -Ogden Nash